I just give up people.


Photography has to be down on my priority list at the moment.
My grades need to stay up
Work needs to be less dramatic
Seth is the only person left in my life,
which I dont mind, but God..


I miss Emily.
I miss Ethan.
I miss Tom.
I miss Maria.
I miss Chelsey.
I miss Carli.
I miss Tara.
I miss Sherri.
I miss the weekends.
I miss having somewhat of a social life, but I guess i never had THAT much of a social life, I spent most of my time here, but it felt social because I had good balance and there was people that loved me here.
There was people I fell in love with here.
& there are people here Im so glad I never have to talk to again! *cough* Austin *cough* *cough*
(whom who I have not spoken to in 4 months :] )

but this brings me to my biggest point. I cried my eyes out today, suddenly, but more than I have cried in a long while. Seth was shocked and didn't know what to do when this happened, and I was the only one who knew why I started to cry.

I miss Jose.

I feel horrible because I told him I hated him. When it is the exact opposite. I love him. I will always love him and it tears me apart that he doesnt feel the same way. He will never care or love me again and I should accept that. I feel horrible for intruding in his life, but what else am I suppose to do? Suffer? I should, because contacting him just makes him suffer. I mean God, I have called his old phone number everyday for 3 months, knowing it will say the same thing, "the numbering you are trying to call is not reachable."
I know AnsweringMachineLady, but wont you give me his voice mail. I want to hear his voice, for just one moment. Please. Please. And all i am talking to is a empty dial tone. Dial tones do not speak back. Dial Tones do not listen. Dial tones do not paint you pictures or write down their feelings for you in poetry. Dial tones dont whisper, "I love you" at 3 A.M. No, Dial tones are my empty robotic friend. Dial tones have cold hearts and empty emotion.

The way I feel right now. Empty.